Blaming Others, Escaping Guilt?

Genesis 3:12 NKJV- “Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.”  (Blamed the woman)

Genesis 3:13 NKJV- “And the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”  (Blamed Satan)

These Genesis scriptures are examples of blaming to deflect guilt. How many times have we heard someone try to redirect blame? Maybe they say something mean and hurtful, or commit a destructive or violent act and justify their behavior by saying the person was the cause, or had made the perpetrator mad, or the person desired the blamer’s adverse behavior? This is like saying the devil made me do it.

Unfortunately, blame is like anger, it takes away one’s compassion and empathy for others. It allows a person to act in a hurtful way to another human being without inner consequence. Normal humans have inhibitions, (Self-control) which are learned responses that serve as a buffer against what they know is bad or self-serving behavior. Blame, on the other hand, is a learned behavior that lacks self-restraint, and allows the person’s emotions to override their self-control in order to achieve a selfish end. This can include dysfunctional and possibly violent behavior.

Blame, many times, is developed as a defensive posture for emotional ego protection. In other words, blaming is selfish behavior.  For example; a blamer who decides to skip work once too often is fired, and will say it was because the boss did not like them. This shows the blamer does not have any cause – and – effect radar. The cause was them skipping work and the effect was being fired. The blamer then changes the cause and effect internally to accuse the boss for the purpose of escaping from how their actions adversely affect them and their feelings. They blame and accuse believing their lie to self-justify their actions. In other words, their cause-and-effect radar only sees themselves as blameless.  They self-reinforce this view to protect themselves from the reality of normal and logical consequences. In James 4:17 NKJV- it says, “Therefore, to him who knows to do good, and does not do it, to him it is sin.”

Blame through Selfishness

People who blame others, overemphasize themselves while at the same time underemphasize others. Most, if not all blamers, have a narcissistic personality disorder.  They are egotistical and their whole life can be based on self-gratification through deflecting the consequences of their actions. The blamer simply accuses others or implausible situations to exclude themselves from repercussions by selfishly defecting the blame. “The acts of the flesh are obvious: they manifest selfish ambition, through dissension, discord, hatred, heresies, fornication, murders, drunkenness, and factions.” Galatians 5:19-20 paraphrased

Selfishness is defined as a gratifying or self-serving behavior without concern or consideration of the long term consequences to oneself or others. This is what the bible calls pride. “Pride leads to destruction, and arrogance to downfall.”  (Proverbs 16:18 -GNT) These people suffering from arrogance, or what science calls narcissism, cannot have meaningful relationships because they are untrustworthy. This is why in 1 Corinthians 4:2 (NIV) it is written, “Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful.” Trust is the foundation of all meaningful relationships, without it, there is no lasting relationship.

All humans make selfish, self-serving, and lazy decisions, and are inconsistent, complex, and flawed. But blamer’s constantly lie to themselves, while making lots and lots of excuses by accusing others or situations for their irrational behavior. Many blamer’s have self-esteem issues, and their actions resolve around either bolstering themselves or deflecting any negative consequences or ideas that could threaten their self-esteem.

What is happening inside a blamer’s mind? When their behavior does not produce the desired results, this creates a one way flow reaction, self-protection, so their delusional self cannot be taken down. This is where the blame process kicks in, instead of taking responsibility they conclude they should be excused from the repercussions, because they are obviously not deserved. The blaming mindset is a slippery slope. One that is difficult to self-recognize because it is self-reinforcing. In short, they don't know they are doing it because it seems logical and normal to them. And like high risk self-serving behaviors, it brings them short term gratification, but long term mistrust and this can be fatal to others.

How This Attitude Can Get Your Head Blown Off! I wish this were hyperbole i.e. an exaggeration. The sad fact is, it is not an overstatement. Blamers are unpredictable, and are capable of extreme violence because they fixate on the person they accuse. “But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, and demonic.” (James 3:14-15-NKJV)

The fact is a blaming lifestyle can put blamers into a steep downhill slide. Addictions like Alcoholism, pornography, and drugs are real common results of the constant search for short term gratification and benefit. The blamer is then shunted away to dead end jobs where they cause the least amount of damage, or if self-employed they never are successful. They sponsor relationships that are unhappy, and dysfunctional. But whether you're talking about long term or short term, the blamer's tendency for selfish actions brings him/her into the view of being a predator. 

Numbers that convey a point: 75% of the people blamers are going to encounter are not as self-centered as they are. But usually this 75% just doesn't want anything to do with how this person behaves. That 75% will actively go out of their way to avoid dealing with an identified blamer or to keep interactions to a minimum. Once they know a person is a blamer, they'll say something polite and find some reason to move away or change the topic that leaves 25% of the population!

Of the 25%,  5% of people are not as self-centered as the blamer, but will not let the blamer get away with his/her selfish behavior (e.g. a boss who demands the blamer do his/her job, or a wife who can’t take the lying anymore). The next 15% of the people the blamers are going to be dealing with are people who are as selfish as themselves.

The 15% are the people who provide for the trauma-drama in the blamer's life. They are the ones who not only will provide the blamer re-enforcement and opportunity to blame, but the blamer will actively seek them out. In fact, it is this small segment of the over-all population that blamers deal with almost exclusively in their lives. This is why, the majority of the population, is just background color and noise to blamers of this mindset.

Did you however notice that there is still 5% missing? A good number of these people have many of the same traits as the blamer, because they have progressed to a dangerous extreme. Unlike the blamer, who collects and cherishes wrongs done to him/her, these people have progressed to beat, rape or kill others over perceived wrongs. Other predators don't need an excuse, they'll beat, rape, or kill just because they want to. But the 5% of the extreme blamers are human predators, and feel totally justified violating and killing their victims. While other dangerous types are somewhat predictable, these kinds are squirrely and not predictable. They can appear to be less of a blamer, which makes them even more dangerous. No one ever knows when they will strike. “But these people blaspheme in matters they do not understand. They are like unreasoning animals, creatures of instinct, born only to be caught and destroyed, and like animals they too will perish.” (2 Peter 2:12 NIV)

This is compiled from many psychological studies. It is condensed to be easily understood. I take no authorship, because I only compiled the many sources using some of their verbiage. This information is very useful in spiritual counseling and normal interaction by Disciples of Christ. 

Blessings, David Howard Foxhole Ministry